I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize