Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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