do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
