these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
