it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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