he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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