i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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