Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
