Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to calm my uterus...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
