We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
