; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
