i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
