AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
