I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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