gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
