I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
