good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
