you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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