its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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