: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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