Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
