I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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