her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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