Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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