what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
