Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
