This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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