if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
