you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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