He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
