just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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