his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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