We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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