I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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