sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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