so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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