overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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