Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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