It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
