Soap is not a condiment
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
