Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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