I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
