After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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