I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
