my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
