Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
