so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
