Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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