she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cockslap morals
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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