Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
