I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
