Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize
