just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
