Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
