You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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