The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
