I'm lost and stupid without you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A+ Viking dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
