i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
