but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
