I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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