party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
