I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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