Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
