if you like me you must not know who I am
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
