a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
