Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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