; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
