Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
